


A Mess

by h1nata



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Gen, M/M, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 03:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12147846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h1nata/pseuds/h1nata
Summary: this is basically just me having fun writing smth for onceapologies if my sense of humor isn't actually funny (lol not rly tho)





	1. take the shot. do it.

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically just me having fun writing smth for once
> 
> apologies if my sense of humor isn't actually funny (lol not rly tho)

**lancey lance** added **Shiro, hunky hunk, space luigi, keith,** and **Allura** to the group

 

**lancey lance:** so i think nyall kno y ur here ;3c

 

**Shiro** left the group

**keith** left the group

 

**hunky hunk:** look what you did, you killed them

 

**space luigi:** rip in fuckn pieces lmaooooo

 

**hunky hunk:** pidge watch your mouth!!

 

**space luigi:** heck off hunk!! ur not my dad!!

 

**hunky hunk:** gasp :0

 

**Allura:** I do not understand what this is???

**Allura:** Also, Shiro and Keith are not dead? Nor will they be ripped into pieces!!

 

**space luigi:** not like for real lmao

 

**Allura:** Oh!

**Allura:** Then, by all means, “rip in fuckn pieces lmaooooo”! :D

 

**space luigi:** im gonna cry, im rly gonna cry

 

**hunky hunk:** this is the best day of my life HECK

 

**lancey lance** added  **Shiro** and  **keith** to the group

 

**Shiro:** literally wtf you guys

 

**keith:** why

 

**lancey lance:** if nyall dont respect my efforts of friendship!!

 

**Shiro:** i need therapy

**Shiro:** better yet, i need jesus

 

**space luigi sent a photo:** whynotboth.png

 

**Shiro:** gee thanks pidge

**Shiro:** what an absolutely outstanding friend

 

**space luigi:** u fucked my brother

 

**Shiro:** *are fucking

**Shiro:** who said we stopped

 

**space luigi sent an audio:** deathscrem.mp3

 

**Shiro:** nvm, who needs therapy when you can torture your friends

 

**lancey lance:** i think those r the ppl who need therapy most tho????

 

**keith:** whose gonna take the fuckin shot on me

**keith:**  do it

**keith:** take the fuckin shot

 

**Allura:** You are all quite terrifyingly obsessed with death

**Allura:** Are you all okay?

**Allura:** Also, Shiro, how inappropriate!

 

**Shiro:** what, pidge started it!

**Shiro:** blame the gremlin!

 

**space luigi:** allura, shiro hurt my feelings

**space luigi sent a photo:** mypoorkokoro.jpg

 

**Allura:** Shiro, how disappointing....

 

**lancey lance:** v disappoint :/

 

**hunky hunk:** much sad :/

 

**keith:** i hope you all know that i just saw allura in the library and she’s laughing her ass off rn

 

**Allura:** don’t expose me keef, tf????

 

**lancey lance:** im Shook™

 

**hunky hunk:** everything i know is a lie

 

**space luigi:** i ca n t brea the

**space luigi:** h o l y s h i t

 

**Shiro:** you know what, i’m going to sleep

 

**keith:** aren’t you still in class?

 

**Shiro:** fuck college

**Shiro:** education is a scam

**Shiro:** nothing is real

**Shiro:** bye

 

**Allura** changed her name to  **coollura**

 

**coollura:** anyways, now that i’m done fuckin around

 

**space luigi:** are u ever truly done fuckin around

 

**coollura:** nah

 

**lancey lance:** mood

 

**hunky hunk:** i’m making muffins in class you guys! :D

**hunky hunk:** they’re chocolate!

 

**lancey lance:** i started cryin

 

**keith:** .......bc of chocolate muffins?

 

 **lancey lance sent a photo:** tf.jpg

**lancey lance:** ofc not

**lancey lance:**  its bc of hunk

**lancey lance:** u see that smiley face???????

**lancey lance:** high quality content

**lancey lance:** perfect execution

**lancey lance:** who needs emojis

 

**space luigi:** hey lance

 

**lancey lance:** rood of u 2 interrupt me

**lancey lance:** but ye?

 

**space luigi:** shut up

 

**keith:** i agree

 

**coollura:** ye

 

**lancey lance:** ROOD BINCHES EVERYWHERE I SEE

 

**hunky hunk:** be nice you guys

 

**space luigi:** refuse

 

**hunky hunk:** this fuck ass subhuman piece of shit literally just fucked our batch of muffins

**hunky hunk:** i’m actually going to kill him

**hunky hunk:** and then myself

 

**coollura:** “be nice you guys”

 

**space luigi:** “pidge watch your mouth!!”

 

**keith:** i snorted in class, fuck

**keith:** i gotta stay after for 5 minutes

 

**lancey lance:** lov me a spicy boi

 

**hunky hunk:** so it turns out he’s high

 

**coollura:** lmao

 

**hunky hunk:** and he was trying to make edibles to sell

**hunky hunk:** our teacher is giving us an A

**hunky hunk:** except that fuck ass subhuman piece of shit

**hunky hunk:** i’m pretty sure he’s getting suspended

 

**keith:** hunk ur gonna make me get my phone taken away

 

**space luigi:** jus another wednesday my dudes

 

**lancey lance:** aaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**hunky hunk:** aaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**coollura:** no more vine compilations for u guys

 

**space luigi:** g*d pls no more

 

**keith:** did u just censor god

**keith:** fuck i laugh agin

**keith:**  im gettin my phone tkaen

 

**lancey lance:** krjldklslkds

**lancey lance:** i cant belive he actually got it taken

 

**space luigi:** i’m yelling omg

 

**hunky hunk:** shiro will not be glad abt that

 

**Shiro:** you little shits

 

**hunky hunk:** gotta blast

 

**lancey lance:** yEET

 

**space luigi:** dabs outta dodge

 

**coollura:** deuces *fades away*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith's original username was emo mario and then it was xx3M0xx lmao


	2. romance machine broke

**lancey lance:** so are we jus gona ignore hunk ignorin my flirting or wat

 

 **Shiro:** *inhales*

 **Shiro:** BOI IF YOU DON’T GO TO SLEEP

 

 **lancey lance:** shiro......it’s time 4 us 2 go 2 school :/

 

 **Shiro:** ..........yeet

 

 **space luigi:** death is imminent

 

 **hunky hunk:** good morning to you too pidge!!

 

 **coollura:** he ignored u again lance lmao

 

 **lancey lance:** FUCK

 

 **hunky hunk:** good morning lance?

 

 **lancey lance:** good mornign weet angel

 

 **space luigi:** weet angel

 

 **coollura:** yeet angel

 

 **Shiro:** mornign

 

 **lancey lance:** so this is how we’re gona b 2day

 

 **space luigi:** this is me everyday

 

 **coollura:** this is how i am everyday

 

 **hunky hunk:** wow you two are in sync

 

 **keith:** thats kinda scary tbh

 

 **space luigi:** GOOD

 

 **coollura:** oh ye, keef, howd u get ur phone back so fast

 

 **keith:** shiro told them that i needed my phone for emergencies

 **keith:** he made sure to emphasize that it was only us

 **keith:** no parents

 

 **lancey lance:** ur puttin ur parents in the grave i see

 

 **keith:** gotta do what u gotta do

 

 **hunky hunk:** omg keith nO

 

 **keith sent a photo:** [guusmirk.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/8c/ca/ed/8ccaeda131ea99fe66cfdd57ce41950d--manga-anime-.jpg)

 

 **coollura:** so we’re weeaboos now

 

 **space luigi:** WE’RE LITERALLY IN AN ANIME CLUB

 

 **coollura:** point taken

 **coollura:** i rescind my statement

 

 **lancey lance:** ANYWAYS

 **lancey lance:** back 2 whats impt

 

 **space luigi:** hunk for the love of god pls notice lance flirting

 

 **hunky hunk:** lance’s what now? OwO

 

 **lancey lance sent a photo:** [wowokay.gif](https://media.tenor.com/images/3d3574707222ef7dca4f64576933ca2e/tenor.gif)

 **lancey lance:** this binch

 

 **Shiro:** i can’t believe you’re all together at school, still talking on the groupchat

 

 **space luigi:** we’re jus tryna share our lives w/ u dad :/

 

 **lancey lance:** looks like dad doesn’t wanna connect w/ his kids :/

 

 **hunky hunk:**  that's cold dad :/

 

 **coollura:**  wild :/

 

 **keith:** i’m not playing along

 

 **Shiro:** i’m an adult, i don’t need to take this abuse from CHILDREN

 

 **space luigi:** its either this or getting real friends

 **space luigi:** and real friends means pretending to be mentally stable

 **space luigi:** so take ur pick my guy

 

 **Shiro:** keith do we have ice cream

 

 **keith:** yeah

 **keith:** but it’s like 8am shiro

 

 **Shiro:** fuck off, i’m an ADULT

 

 **coollura:** no better way to start ur day than breaking shiro in the AM

 

 **space luigi:** shiro

 **space luigi:** is

 **space luigi:** fuckin

 **space luigi:** my

 **space luigi:** brother

 

 **keith:** god pls dnt remind me

 

 **lancey lance:** let ur bro get dicked down pidge!!!!!

 

 **Shiro:** matt tops

 

 **keith:** k cool so i h8 this

 **keith:** time to go vomit

 

 **space luigi:** second that

 

 **hunky hunk:** so if shiro  & matt get married

 

 **lancey lance:** keef n pudge will b sibs oMG

 

 **coollura:** kfdjkldwjldks mAKE IT HAPPEN

 

 **lancey lance:** they’re practically sibs already

 

 **coollura:** one in the same tbh

 

 **hunky hunk:** lololol

 

 **space luigi sent an audio:** hellodarknessmyoldfriend.mp3

 

 **keith:** how abt we talk abt lance’s crush on hunk

 **keith:** something nice  & not related to shiro’s sex life

 

 **lancey lance:** yEHA LETS TALK ABT THAT

 **lancey lance:** STOP IGNORING MY LOVE HUNK

 

 **hunky hunk:** sorry romance machine broke

 

 **keith:** feels bad man :/

 

 **lancey lance:** i kno exactly y im cryin in the club rn

 

 **space luigi:** g*d i have class with lance next

 **space luigi:** hunk u fucker

 

 **hunky hunk:** cant do nothin abt a broke romance machine

 **hunky hunk:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **coollura:** hunk ur a liar and we all kno it

 

 **hunky hunk:** jUST BC YOU GOT EXPOSED DONT MEAN U GOTTA EXPOSE ME

 

 **lancey lance:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **space luigi:** lance is a literal dog

 **space luigi:** i can see his tail wagging

 

 **keith:** well he is a furry

 

 **space luigi:** tru

 

 **hunky hunk:** cant believe i like a furry

 

 **coollura:** hold the fuck up

 **coollura:** W H A T

 

 **lancey lance:** IM NOT A FURRY

 

 **hunky hunk:** YOUR DEVIANTART SAYS OTHERWISE

 

 **keith:** and your furry tumblr

 

 **space luigi:** and your ig likes

 

 **coollura:** LANCE

 **coollura:** I TRUSTED YOU

 **coollura sent a photo:** blockedt.jpg

 

 **lancey lance:** ALLURA ITS NOT WHAT U THINK

 

 **coollura:** I WONT HESITATE BITCH

 

 **keith:** im goin to git my fuckn phone takne agin sTOP

 

 **space luigi:** GIT

 

 **hunky hunk:** GIT

 

 **keith:** s t o p

 

 **Shiro:** lance why do you wanna fuck animals

 

 **space luigi:** NOPE I HAVE A FEELING OF WHERE THIS IS GOING TO BE

 

 **lancey lance:** idk y do u wanna get fucked by ur friends brother

 

 **space luigi:** DAMMIT

 

 **keith:** whomst tf wanna order a deep web hitman to take me out???

 

 **hunky hunk:** you’ll probs get treated to a nice dinner :3

 

 **keith:** hunk please

 

 **coollura:** no but rly tho we have to shut this whole group chat down

 **coollura:** lance is a furry

 

 **Shiro:** do it

 **Shiro:** end my suffering

 

 **lancey lance:** KEITH IS A FURRY TOO

 

 **keith:** uMMMMMMMM

 

 **lancey lance:** HE THOUGHT THE FOX IN ZOOTOPIA WAS HOT

 

 **coollura:**  THAT'S IT

 **coollura:** everyone is getting fucking b l o c k e d t

 

 **hunky hunk:** wooooowwwwwww keith

 

 **space luigi:** i got hit in the fuckin face in gym bc of yall

 **space luigi:** damn furries

 

 **Shiro:** i’m now accepting brother applications

 **Shiro:** bc apparently, we got a traitor in the family

 

 **keith:** IT WAS ONE TIME

 **keith:** AND I SAID HE WOULD BE HOT IF HE WERE REAL

 

 **lancey lance:** its okay keef, bein a furry aint all that bad

 

 **hunky hunk:** istg ur pushin ur limits lance

 

 **lancey lance:** i’ll delete my deviantart 4 u hunk

 

 **keith:** his tumblr is where the hardcore stuff is at

 

 **hunky hunk:** ROMANCE MACHINE HELLA BROKE

 

 **lancey lance:** FUCK OFF KEITH

 

 **coollura:** fuck this

 **coollura** left the group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly say yeet too much irl like someone pls stop me


	3. B O N E L E S S

**lancey lance** added  **coollura** to the group

 

 **coollura:** you bitches

 **coollura:** what took you so long to add me back?????

 

 **space luigi:** we had better things to do

 

 **coollura:** wow pidge, i thought we were soul sistas

 

 **space luigi:** dont u EVER-

 

 **lancey lance:** top 10 anime betrayals

 

 **hunky hunk** changed his name to  **flavor town**

 

 **flavor town:** you dont get to say that lance

 

 **lancey lance:** y not? :3c

 

 **flavor town sent a photo:** [frysquinting](http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/en.futurama/images/d/da/Fry_Looking_Squint.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110701192358).jpg

 

 **lancey lance** changed his name to  **spice city**

 

 **coollura:** you two are Gross

 

 **space luigi** changed her name to  **sauce village**

 

 **coollura:** are we rly doin this rn??

 **coollura:** right in front of my salad

 

 **spice city:** keith comes back from his workout in like 10 mins

 **spice city:**  u alrdy kno wtf is goin on

 

 **coollura** changed her name to  **palate kingdom**

 

 **palate kingdom:** damn right i do

 

 **flavor town:** niiiiiiiiceeeeee

 

 **sauce village:** 10/10 v classy

 

 **spice city:**  this will either go gr8

 **spice city:** or not gr8

 

 **flavor town:** will keef even pick up his phone

 

 **sauce village** **:** knowin him, he'll probs go to sleep or smth

 

 **palate kingdom:** post-workout workout

 

 **spice city:** istg he would

 

 **shiro** changed his name to  **fly fieri**

 

 **spice city:** SHIROOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **flavor town:** JNKFLJSKDL

 

 **sauce village:** 100/10

 

 **palate kingdom:** AYEEEEEEEEEE

 

 **fly fieri:** it is my duty

 

 **spice city:** *wipes tear*

 **spice city:** wat a hero

 

 **flavor town:** shiro the hero

 

 **palate kingdom:** does keith look thru messages

 **palate kingdom:** bc y'all are ruining the surprise

 

 **sauce village:** ur too european to say y'all

 

 

 **keith:** tf is going on here???

 **keith:** when did this happen???\

 **keith:** who is who?????

 

 **palate kingdom:** nvm

 

 **spicy city:** dis is gona b fun

 

 **keith:** so that's lance

 

 **flavor town:** lmao your lazy texting has come to bite you in the ass

 **flavor town:** just like i told you

 

 **keith:** definitely hunk

 **keith:** pidge is also definitely sauce village

 

 **sauce village:**  this feels like an assassination

 

 **palate kingdom:** this is not fun

 

 **keith:** and allura

 

 **fly fieri:** what about me

 

 **keith:** wow i wonder who that could be

 **keith:** did you guys add someone new

 

 **fly fieri:** keith dont ignore me

 

 **keith:** hi, hello, i'm keith

 **keith:** nice to meet you

 **keith:** stranger :)

 

 **spice city:** this is so funny omg

 

 **flavor town:** keith stop rejecting shiro

 

 **sauce village:** grandpas can have fun too :/

 

 **fly fieri:** you gremlin

 

 **keith:** shiro only knows suffering and pasta

 **keith:** on a good day

 

 **fly fieri:** he's not wrong

 

 **flavor town:** what about a bad day?

 

 **keith:** suffering and pizza lunchables

 

 **palate kingdom:** you can't suffer when eating pizza lunchables

 

 **spice city:** ye, u only suffer when u eat turkey/ham  & cheese lunchables

 

 **sauce villages:** all of these are fax

 

 **spice city:** no printer

 

 **flavor town:** real question is

 **flavor town:** do you get the ones with candy

 

 **fly fieri:** they-

 **fly fieri:** they have ones with candy

 

 **palate kingdom:** oh you poor thing

 

 **spice city:** shiro confirmed for Ultimate Suffering

 

 **flavor town:** pls save him

 

 **sauce village:** for one (1) dollar a day, you can save this poor, poor man

 

 **keith:** and get him a pizza lunchable with a candy

 

 **fly fieri** **:** i think i'm gonna go lay down

 

 **keith:** shiro you've been laying down all day

 

 **fly fieri sent a photo:** [stare.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/692837699128942592/FMWJ2ez4_400x400.jpg)

 

 **keith:** alright

 

 **spice city:** i want a lunchables now

 

 **flavor town:** same

 

 **sauce village:** mood

 

 **palate kingdom:** let's go get some

 **palate kingdom:** i'm sure my uncle wouldn't mind taking us

 **palate kingdom:** or buying them

 

 **keith:** don't let me forget to get shiro lots with the candy

 **keith:** or just get him candy in general

 **keith:** he's a broken man

 

 **spice city:** understandable

 **flavor town:** understandable

 **sauce village:** understandable

 **palate kingdom:** understandable

 

 **keith:** you're all the worst

 **keith:** and have terrible taste in memes

 

 **sauce village:** i'd like that insult B O N E L E S S pls

 

 **spice city:** i'd like my lunchables B O N E L E S S

 

 **flavor town:** my candy?

 

 **palate kingdom:** B O N E L E S S

 

 **keith:** i'm driving separately


	4. tungle tingle toomble tongle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tinglr dot cum** : lance  
>  **toombly dot corn** : hunk  
>  **tunglr dot comb** : pidge  
>  **tongle dot cong** : allura

**spice city** changed his name to **tinglr dot cum**

 **flavor town** changed his name to **toombly dot corn**

 **sauce village** changed her name to **tunglr dot comb**

 **palate kingdom** changed her name to **tongle dot cong**

 

 **fly fieri:** what is this?

 

 **keith:** they’re being weird again

 **keith:** just ignore them

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** lunch break is what happened

 

 **fly fieri:** you’re typing normally now?

 **fly fieri:** this lunch break must’ve been god-tier

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** im oFFENDED

 

 **toombly dot corn:** lance texted someone from one of his classes

 **toombly dot corn:** they made fun of how he texted

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** it was hilarious

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** TWAS N OT

 **tinglr dot cum:** IM EMBARADSED

 **tinglr dot cum:** SHE WSA AHOT

 

 **tongle dot cong:** its setting back in

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** could u type any worse lance

 

 **toombly dot corn:** trust me

 **toombly dot corn:** he can

 

 **keith:** if it makes you feel better

 **keith:** that girl capitalizes the first letter of every word

 **keith:** she turned in a paper like that once

 **keith:** even though i told her to change it

 **keith:** several times

 

 **tongle dot cong:** keefs got beef

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** mr. straight A’s in every english class ever

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** its the emo

 

 **keith:** shut ur fuck

 

 **toombly dot corn:** that phrase must have evoked strong emotions in keith for him to meme

 **fly fieri:** hey, you guys ar reckless teens

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** arrrr matey

 

 **fly fieri:** do you have any hangover cures

 **fly fieri:** stfu lance

 

 **toombly dot corn:** shiro my preferred beverage is chocolate milk

 **toombly dot corn:** lance still thinks danimals are the shit

 **toombly dot corn:** pidge only gets drunk off coding

 **toombly dot corn:** allura could help you out tho

 

 **tongle dot cong:** tf are u tryna say hunk

 

 **toombly dot corn:** nothing ur snapchat hasn’t already said

 **toombly dot corn sent a photo:** [kermit_tea.jpg](https://imgflip.com/s/meme/But-Thats-None-Of-My-Business.jpg)

 

 **tongle dot cong sent a photo:** [wowokay.jpg](http://data.whicdn.com/images/264611286/superthumb.jpg)

 

 **fly fieri:** i ain’t ask for a roast

 **fly fieri:** pls help me

 **fly fieri:** i’m dyin squirtle

 

 **tongle dot cong:** uuuuhhh pickle juice, a good breakfast, and exercise?

 **tongle dot cong:** recommended by science?

 **tongle dot cong:** and a dad dating simulator

 

 **fly fieri:** well

 **fly fieri:** [guessilldie.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CZiq32pUUAA_6pg.jpg)

 

 **keith:** just take some pain meds  & eat something light

 **keith:** i made jook this morning and set you some aside

 **keith:** there’s also side dishes already prepared

 

 **fly fieri:** keef u da best

 

 **keith:** please do not

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** lmao that dream daddy ref

 **tinglr dot cum:** but aww lil chef keef

 

 **toombly dot corn:** there can only be one of us

 **toombly dot corn:** ʕ ง•ᴥ•ʔ ง

 **toombly dot corn:** square up emo boi

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** fuck him up babe!!

 

 **keith:** yall wtf

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** listen man

 **tinglr dot cum:** i gotta support the man whose dick i’m getting

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** IF Y’ALL NASTIES DON’T QUIT

 

 **tongle dot cong:** i, too, would like to have not read that

 

 **toombly dot corn:** ur getting 0 dick tho lance

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** hunk pls

 

 **toombly dot corn:** i’m not fucking a furry

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** stop pls

 **tunglr dot comb:** i’m too gay 4 this

 

 **tongle dot cong:** hello darkness my old friend

 

 **keith:** this is worse then shiro talking about matt

 

 **tunglr dot comb:** u kno what

 **tunglr dot comb:** its time for me to go

 

 **tongle dot cong:** yeah, math is lookin real sexy rn

 

 **keith:** why….

 **keith:** why did you have to say it like that

 

 **tongle dot cong:** i like my geometric shapes THICCCCC

 

 **keith:** this is getting weird

 **keith:** i’m leaving now

 

 **tongle dot cong:** does that mean i’m here with you two

 **tongle dot cong:** all by myself

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** sup gorgeous

 **tinglr dot cum:** wink wonk

 

 **tongle dot cong:** i’ve been wondering lonce

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** wot is it ollura

 

 **tongle dot cong:** you sure do flirt a lot for someone who’s in a relationship

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** can’t help it

 **tinglr dot cum:** hunk is my #1 tho

 **tongle dot cong:** hunk, thoughts

 

 **toombly dot corn:** ya lance is just like that

 **toombly dot corn:** he likes to flirt

 **toombly dot corn:** but he doesn’t go father than like basic affection

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** imma good boy

 

 **toombly dot corn:** dont

 

 **tongle dot cong:** do not

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** uwu

 

 **toombly dot corn:** [boi.png](http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/183/604/ee9.png)

 

 **tongle dot cong:** wake me up (wake me up inside)

 **tongle dot cong:** we should have a furry day

 **tongle dot cong:** let lance show us the light

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** YELL HEAH

 

 **toombly dot corn:** allura we’re friends right?

 

 **tongle dot cong:** ye

 

 **toombly dot corn:** then i can tell u that was the most RIDICULOUS SHIT

 **toombly dot corn:** i’ve ever heard u say

 **toombly dot corn:** straight ludicrous

 

 **tinglr dot cum:** hes lying

 **tinglr dot cum:** its the best

 **tinglr dot cum:** lov u allura

 **tinglr dot cum:** im gona make a pwoer point presentation

 

 **tongle dot cong:** and in this moment

 **tongle dot cong:** she knew she fucked up

 

 **toombly dot corn:** yeah

 **toombly dot corn sent a photo:** [neck.jpg](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/k3WynBZQxCQ/maxresdefault.jpg)

  
  


**fly fieri:** god dammit what the fuck


	5. coran coran the gorgeous man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short, especially after so long, but school has been tiring ;;;;;;;;;

**tinglr dot cum** changed his name to  **lance**

**toombly dot corn** changed his name to  **hunk**

 

**fly fieri:** i feel like this is bad

 

**tunglr dot comb** changed her name to  **pidge**

**tongle dot cong** changed her name to  **allura**

 

**fly fieri:** um

 

**lance** changed the group name to  **super friends :)**

 

**lance** added  **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man** to the group

 

**fly fieri** changed his name to  **shiro**

 

**Coran Coran the…:** So this a “group chat”?

 

**lance:** Yes sir. Nothing but pure, wholesome fun happens here. :)

 

**Coran Coran the…:** And you discuss club happenings here?

 

**hunk:** You are correct, sir.

 

**Coran Coran the…:** Now, who is this Shiro?

 

**keith:** He’s my brother...

**keith:** He, uh, monitors our chats?

 

**shiro:** Hello?

 

**Coran Coran the…:** Well then, I see everything is in order here!

**Coran Coran the…:** This will be fun! :D

 

**allura:** Yes, loads of fun! :^)

  
  


**lance** made a new group:  **cupcaKke support group**

**lance** added  **hunk, pidge, allura, shiro,** and **keith** to the group

 

**lance:** whomst tf told mr. smythe abt the gc??????

**lance:** & turn on ur location, i jus wanna talk

 

**pidge:** he’s ur uncle allura, did u spill the beans

 

**allura:** i don’t spill beans, i put them on my toast where they belong

**allura:** *stares @ hunk*

**hunk:** yeah, no, you’re still wrong about that

**hunk:** regardless, having two group chats suck

**hunk:** esp since that was our main one full of dank meme history

 

**lance:** ily big guy, but dnt ever say that again

 

**shiro:** i can’t believe i’ve been introduced to an actual human

**shiro:** what have y’all got me into

 

 **pidge sent a photo:** [ kjdsl.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/9rxFKcs.jpg)

 

**allura:** who are we anymore without our weird ass usernames

**allura:** what are we

**allura:** is this was real life is like

**allura:** are we humans

 

**keith:** or are we dancers

 

**allura:** right on keef

 

**lance:** my life force has been drained from typing properly

 

**hunk:** i feel weird calling him sir

 

**lance:** u can call me sir

**lance:** wink wonk

 

**hunk:** D O  N O T

 

**pidge:** I SECOND THAT

**pidge:** WE’RE NOT DOING THIS TODAY

 

**shiro:** ok but still

**shiro:** which one of u told that man abt the chat

**shiro:** and made me out to be a proper adult

 

**pidge:** shut up shiro ur like 6

 

 **shiro sent a photo:** [ imcry.jpg](http://www.funny-animalpictures.com/media/content/items/images/funnycats0159_O.jpg)

 

**keith:** that fucking face

 

**hunk:** did u imagine shiro making that face?

 

**keith:** yeha

 

**lance:** we get it, you’re from texas

**lance:** yeehaw

**pidge:** hfrjdkl

**pidge:** idk y that was so funny

**pidge:** i just snorted out loud

**pidge:** fuk y’all

 

**hunk:** i wonder if mr. smythe is waiting on us to message him back

 

**allura:** oh well

 

**lance:** damn

**lance:** bad bitches rly are the coldest :/

 

**allura:** it’s bad enough he’s our club advisor

**allura:** for some god forsaken reason

**allura:** now he’s in our group chat????

**allura:** I SAY TO HECK WITH HIM

 

**shiro:** hey now

**shiro:** [ language.jpg](https://ci.memecdn.com/10630601.jpg)

 

**lance:** klfejkldjsl

 

**keith:** fuckign sT O P

 

**hunk:** imagining shiro saying that is The Worst

 

**pidge:** im gonna die

**pidge:** im rly gonna die

 

**allura:** i say we’re fuckin uuuhhhhh

**allura:** done here

 

 **shiro:** dont act like we forgot abt u spilling the beans

 

 **allura:** bYE


	6. hunkus christ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI, HELLO, IT'S BEEN A DECENT WHILE
> 
> i said i was going to come up with some kinda plot but i didn't BUT i do have a few ideas i wanna write abt now (this one was one of the few lmao rip)

**lance** changed his name to  **cumdog illionaire**

 

**cumdog illionaire:** ALLURA UR THE BEST

 

**pidge** changed her name to  **MAMA MIA**

 

**cumdog illionaire:** TRULY DESERVING OF THE COOLLURA TITLE

 

**allura** changed her name to  **HBIC**

 

**HIBC:** you can literally tell old ppl a n y t h i n g

 

**shiro:** wat

 

**HBIC:** i told my uncle that this app was attacked by hackers and that he should delete it

 

**hunk:** she also told him that the cyber police were on the case

 

**MAMA MIA:** its a hard case to crack

 

**cumdog illionaire:** feels bad man :/

 

**shiro:** so…..

 

**keith:** there are no hackers shiro

 

**shiro:** just checking

**shiro:** oh, also

 

**cumdog illionaire:** no such thing as cyber police

 

**shiro:** okay

 

**MAMA MIA:** dad pls keep up

**MAMA MIA:** ur harshin the flow

 

**shiro:** pls donot call me dad

**shiro:** i am yung n fr3sh

 

**HBIC:** disgusting

 

**cumdog illionaire:** honestly

 

**hunk:** truly

 

**MAMA MIA:** btw

**MAMA MIA:** hunk change ur name

 

**hunk:** i was going to but idk what to change it to :///

 

**cumdog illionaire:** uM OBVIOUSLY MATCH W ME

 

**hunk:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no

 

**MAMA MIA:** mama mia

 

**HBIC:** hunk is a spicy meatball

 

**keith:** he has been pretty spicy lately

 

**shiro:** why so spicy hunk

 

**hunk:** i’m not spicy

**hunk:** i’m sweet

 

**cumdog illionaire:** babe ilu but ur as sweet as a grapefruit

 

**MAMA MIA:** u truly are a pot of lies

 

**HBIC:** god hunk rly is a grapefruit

**HBIC:** for some reason u think ur gonna get a nice sweet treat

**HBIC:** even tho u kno damn well ur abt to ravage a grapefruit

**HBIC:** and then u just dig into bitterness

 

**keith:** don’t people eat grapefruit with salt sometimes

 

**cumdog illionaire:** hunk ur literally a grapefruit

 

**hunk:** haha u mean i’m GREATfruit

 

**shiro:** thats m’boy

 

**cumdog illionaire:** do not encourage THIS

 

**keith:** anyways

**keith:** i was sent into the hall

 

**MAMA MIA:** keith u gotta stop

**MAMA MIA:** being a delinquent isnt the way to go

 

**keith:** odckllfjdkls;

 

**HBIC:** is he like,,,,,,ok

 

**cumdog illionaire:** god this is the perfect start to a zombie apocalypse series

 

**hunk:** i would’ve expected keith to be the one to survive

 

**MAMA MIA:** who would die first?

 

**hunk:** me?

 

**HBIC:** NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH

 

**cumdog illionaire:** THAT WAS MY LINE BUT I’LL LET IT SLIDE

 

**MAMA MIA:** I AGREE

 

**shiro:** if hunk ever dies then the whole world is CANCELLED

 

**hunk:** guys pls

**hunk:** its not that deep

 

**cumdog illionaire:** not thay deep?

 

**HBIC:** did he rly jus say its not that deep?

 

**MAMA MIA:** right in front of MY feelings?

 

**shiro:** i’m offended

 

**cumdog illionaire:** IM ALL ABT SLORPIN THAT HUNK RESPECTIN JUICE

 

**HBIC:** AMEN

 

**MAMA MIA:** HALLELUJAH

 

**keith:** i agree

**keith:** not to break away from worshipping our lord and savior, hunkus christ

**keith:** but i’m sweating

**keith:** like a lot

 

**shiro:** did u get war flashbacks again

 

**HBIC:** i was gonna say he only stepped on a lego

**HBIC:** but its p much the same experience

 

**hunk:** i dont think that is entirely appropriate to say

**hunk:** but continue keith

**hunk:** also dont ever call me hunkus christ or i’m deleting this group chat from everyone’s phones

 

**keith:** so there’s this girl

 

**cumdog illionaire:** PAUSE

**cumdog illionaire:** u jus said girl

 

**keith:** so there’s this girl

**keith:** she’s in my science class

**keith:** but she just came down the hall

**keith:** she said hey

**keith:** i breathed heavily back at her

**keith:** it kinda sounded like a greeting

**keith:** she asked me why i was in the hall

**keith:** i said it was i keep laughing from the group chat

**keith:** she laughed  & was like same

**keith:** i choked but internally

**keith:** she then said she had to go  & left

**keith:** and here i am

**keith:** sweating  & probably hyperventilating

 

**MAMA MIA:** thats a lot

 

**shiro:** KEITH U HAVE FEELINGS

**shiro:** FOR PEOPLE

 

**keith:** no

**keith:** shut up

 

**HBIC:** KEITH HAS FEELINGS

**HBIC:** KEITH HAS FEELINGS

 

**cumdog illionaire:** AND FOR PEOPLE

 

**keith:** a person

**keith:** WAIT NO

 

**hunk:** KEITH CONFIRMED FOR AN ACTUAL HUMAN

**hunk:** I REPEAT, KEITH HAS BEEN CONFIRMED AS AN ACTUAL PERSON

 

**keith:** hunkus christ

 

**hunk:** a new update shows that keith is now to be confirmed as a dead person

 

**cumdog illionaire:** oh shit

 

**HBIC:** *sirens blaring*

 

**MAMA MIA:** *loud yelling*

 

**shiro:** get fuckin rekt scrub

 

**keith:** SHIRO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said i wasn't going to do it anymore after my keith-centric oneshot (titled Not Broken #sickplugbro), but i couldn't resist.
> 
> the girl keith is talking about is one of my voltron OCs


	7. gay gossip prevails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i'm gonna end up talking abt my ocs a lot more than i intended to & i'm sorry but i lov my children and i need an OUTLET

**shiro** changed his name to  **booboo the fool**

 

**booboo the fool** : pidge, why didn’t u tell me ur brother was a CHILD

 

**MAMA MIA:** i thot it was obv but i mean…..

 

**cumdog illionaire:** this seems interesting

**cumdog illionaire:** what happened lmao

 

**booboo the fool:** I WAS BEING PLAYED BY PIDGE’S BROTHER

 

**MAMA MIA:** my brother is like 19 btw

**MAMA MIA:** anways, he photoshopped pictures of himself to make himself look older, hotter, and buffer

**MAMA MIA:** i,,,,,can’t believe shiro bought any of it but it happened

**MAMA MIA:** and they hooked up several times

 

**shiro:** lizen

**shiro:** 19 is still baby

**shiro:** so young  & life

**shiro:** and the illagal alcohol that have u the life

 

**hunk:** shiro ur typing like ur drunk

 

**keith:** he fuckin is

**keith:** ugly sobbing piece of shit

**keith:** I WAS SLEEPING

 

**shiro:** KEITH COMFORT ME

 

**keith:** GET YOUR SNOTTY FACE AWAY FROM ME

 

**HBIC:** anyways

**HBIC:** while that disaster is happening

**HBIC:** i have excited news!

**HBIC:** exciting

 

**hunk:** aw, i’m glad the news is excited

 

**cumdog illionaire:** same

 

**HBIC:** ANYWAYS

**HBIC:** i know who the girl is that keith is crushing on

 

**shiro:** i’m sober now, whats up

 

**keith:** YOU KNOW NOTHING

**keith:** BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH INFORMATION

 

**MAMA MIA:** pls do tell

**MAMA MIA:** the louder he screams, the better it is

 

**cumdog illionaire:** thats,,,,so fuckin ominous

**cumdog illionaire:** i appreaciate it

 

**hunk:** *appreciate

 

**cumdog illionaire:** i do not appreciate that

 

**hunk:** obv u did since u spelled it right this time

 

**MAMA MIA:** fucking got ‘em

 

**cumdog illionaire:** such a grapefruit

 

**hunk:** can we not

 

**HBIC:** AS I WAS SAYING

**HBIC:** YOU RUDE FUCKS

**HBIC:** her name is kyla ahn

 

**hunk:** she’s in my group in home ec omg

 

**cumdog illionaire:** she is also in my math class

**cumdog illionaire:** she’s my tutor actually

 

**HBIC:** o worm

 

**cumdog illionaire:** its funny tho bc she doesn’t know fuck all of what she’s doin

**cumdog illionaire:** she cheats her way through homework  & doesn’t study

**cumdog illionaire:** but it’s nice  & reassuring that there is someone else who doesn’t know what the fuck is going on ever in math class jfklkls

 

**hunk:** thats actually very cute  & sweet

 

**HBIC:** how is she in home-ec hunk?

 

**hunk:** the only other competent person in my group

**hunk:** i respect her

 

**shiro:** keith is sweating again

**shiro:** he wasn’t exaggerating when he said he was sweating a lot last time

 

**cumdog illionaire:** god keith in love is disgusting

 

**keith:** YOU’RE THE ONE TO TALK

**keith:** YOU MADE HUNK AN AMV WITH NARUTO CHARACTERS

**MAMA MIA:** and you didn’t even fucking use everytime we touch

 

**HBIC:** goddamn amateur

 

**hunk:** ye i deducted love points for that

 

**cumdog illionaire:** understandable

**cumdog illionaire:** that just means i have to make another one

 

**MAMA MIA:** shiro u over my brother yet

 

**shiro:** yeah

 

**hunk:** that was fast

 

**shiro:** yeah

**shiro:** i like to live my life on a episode to episode basis

 

**HBIC:** more like chapter to chapter

**HBIC:** wink wonk

**HBIC:** also this figurative episode wouldn’t even be over yet

 

**shiro:** dont tell me how to live my figurative episodic/chaptered life

 

**cumdog illionaire:** you know who we don’t talk enough about

 

**hunk** : who

 

**HBIC:** who

 

**shiro:** who

 

**MAMA MIA:** who

 

**cumdog illionaire:** pidge

 

**shiro:** it’s not time yet

 

**MAMA MIA:** yeha its not time yet

**MAMA MIA:** besides literally nothing is happeneing

**MAMA MIA:** yo...@ me…..like wtf

 

**hunk:** pidge made a new friend

 

**cumdog illionaire:** ALLURA, GO

 

**HBIC:** sorry but in the sacred text of wlw solidarity

**HBIC:** it states that i cannot disclose any information on fellow wlw

**MAMA MIA:** i am feelin this gay in the chili’s tonight

 

**cumdog illionaire:** what abt the sacred text of wlw  & mlm solidarity

 

**HBIC:** damn, guess i gotta spill the tea while its hot :/

**HBIC:** sorry pidge

 

**cumdog illionaire:** HAH

**cumdog illionaire:** GAY GOSSIP ALWAYS WINS

 

**MAMA MIA:** DAMN YOU GAY GOSSIP

 

**shiro:** i feel like a lot if happening rn so i’m gona sleep

 

**keith:** bitch

**keith:** i can’t nap anymore

 

**hunk:** time for sick gains?

 

**keith:** yeah :/

 

**hunk:** unfortunate

 

**cumdog illionaire:** i kno keef is a natural muscle head

**cumdog illionaire:** but frm now on, anything he does is related to ky

 

**HBIC:** get those sick gains for ur girl

 

**keith:** god i’m sweating again

 

**hunk:** u need to control that

 

**cumdog illionaire:** nah, its fine

**cumdog illionaire:** kyla sweats a lot too

 

**MAMA MIA:** u kno a lot abt her

**MAMA MIA:** what are you, FRIENDS

**MAMA MIA:** HAHAHAHA NERD HAS FRIENDS

 

**cumdog illionaire:** pidge, we’re friends

 

**MAMA MIA:** we’re acquaintances at most

**MAMA MIA:** i didn’t want to say it

 

**cumdog illionaire:** wow this is homophobic

**cumdog illionaire:** i need to drink some tap water to cleanse my energies  & chakras

 

**hunk:** literally get out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah, sorry i killed shatt. i just remembered season 4 & how matt doesn't seem as old as we thought anymore so since i'm not into shipping shiro w. anyone, i had to kill it for my own sanity kcjdjls;


	8. author note

sorry for the long time away, i started this story at such a bad time ;;;; i had so many projects/papers due when i started it, and then finals came up and i couldn't focus on anything else; chemistry and physical fitness were my main enemies to defeat, history was okay since it was online & i could chea.... _help_ myself when i needed it aha *cricket sounds*....

 

anyways, yeah so the semester has been over, and i've mainly been vegging out, thinking about writing more, but then a something happened. one of my favorite korean artists of my favorite kpop groups took his own life. although i've accepted it at this point (it still hurts to think about, but i'm not crying my eyes out anymore), my motivation to write anything, especially a crack fic, has been shot.

 

honestly, in addition to that, i'm kinda out of the hysteria that i was in from stress anyways, so i don't think i'd be able to keep this story up like i did when i started it.

 

so, i'm sorry that this update isn't a real one, but there was no other way to explain other than posting a pseudo-update. also, i'm sorry for like quitting on this story lol. i hope you had fun reading it even tho it was more for my personal enjoyment (since i know a lot of the things i wrote in here are not as popular in the fandom i.e. hance, strict older shiro, aro-ace keith, etc).

 

so yeah, that's all i wanted to say to give a little closure to this fic. happy holidays and happy new year everyone!


End file.
